The Year That Was - 2024

The new year is here, but there has been general sadness and human cruelty all over. It has been more than a year since the currently active genocide in Gaza started. If you ever read any dark period from the human history, and thought “How did they even let that happen?” this genocide answers it. We all are complicit.

I have been away from writing my weekly notes. I didn’t think I had the energy or systems in place to write it anymore, although I worked on other parts of my life. So I don’t really have detailed notes or write-ups, but general trends and memories I can pull from.

I started to take physical activity and health more seriously. I lost about 30 kg in about 8 months. I ran my first 5K, 10K, and a half marathon this year. I did about 9–10 races this year.

I have been running consistently and have logged about 700 km of running this year, since I started in March. I also progressed on my CrossFit and workout journey. I have been regular at my CrossFit box, working out with folks there and enjoying it. I learned how to do pushups and lift weights. I enjoy my back squats and deadlifts. I also made progress on upper-body strength. I realized I enjoy working with people and the community.

More than the weight loss, I am thankful and proud that my body can do things I never thought it could.

I have been an obese person throughout my life and considered myself lazy, mainly because that is what society and the people around me told me I was. I never gave physical activity a try because of this. I kind of rebelled against all the shaming and bullying by not considering it “worthy,” but this journey has been important for me to prove that I am not lazy and that I do enjoy moving my body. I also realized most of these “gym bros” are just nerds—only their MoN (Medium of Nerdiness) is different—which has helped me get a little more comfortable.

I have been sleeping consistently at night and waking up in the morning. This is, for the first time since I started college, that I have had a stable sleep cycle. I have also been eating healthily, mostly.

On the work front, I reduced a lot of active work on the client projects, thanks to my team stepping in. My burnout continues. It has been difficult on the work front. Reducing work on something that actively brings in revenue meant that I have been restless, thinking of future and new revenue streams to add. I sometimes feel that I probably should have some fake head-first courage and optimism instead of being a self-critic and pessimist in general—that probably would do a lot of good for the bank balance.

This year, we at Beneathatree have moved to the new office, which I wrote about earlier. We also had our first event there—we were the venue partner for an exhibition on sexual and reproductive health and care—and it had a lot of interesting exhibitions and talks, including one from my colleague about her impactful work in her earlier life. It made me appreciate the people I am with more.

We also set up our own darkroom in our new office, and I got our old enlarger to work and made a few prints. I haven’t developed negatives since I moved to a new space, as I have yet to set up a film-scanning jig, but I shot a few rolls.

I am really happy to be with my team at Beneathatree, where we are striving to do our best and actively working on unlearning and being better humans. I am proud and thankful for the people I call my colleagues, co-founders, and friends—we are not perfect, but we are willing to learn. I am also proud of how our code team has evolved under Sachin’s leadership. The team has been doing really well and shipping great features.

We also had our first team trip this year. We traveled to Meghalaya and spent time amongst nature for a few days. It was memorable.

I partially started working on a new, interesting project for an old client of ours at Beneathatree. It is a domain I don’t have much experience with (Deep learning) and have been learning on the job. It has been tough and has had slower progress, but I learned a lot so far and hope to ship it soon.

Navigating burnout has been difficult and is something I am still figuring out. I try to write code or think of doing anything that requires my engineering side of the brain, and I end up coming dry. The imagery I have for things like this is of trying to fetch water from an empty well. The well is dry—however much you may try, there is not enough water.

Later last year, I moved into a new rented place, the first one that is just me. It is a single-room studio-styled home on a terrace. I am thankful for the space and have been trying to make it my own.

I am in a churn right now and hope things settle next year.

I hope this year we can be better humans. I hope I can be one.